


See You On a Dark Night

by aintitfun



Series: like a river flows [3]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Gender Confusion, Genderfluid Character, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 05:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2179608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aintitfun/pseuds/aintitfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler's bad dream gets the best of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See You On a Dark Night

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for self harm. Please don't read if you are triggered by self harm in any way.

She felt like she was flying. Tyler kicked her feet into the air and pushed the swing higher. She pumped her legs harder and jumped, feeling the wind beneath her skirt as she landed on her feet. She turned around and saw her family giving her disapproving glares. “How could you do this Tyler? We expected more from you.”

She frowned as her lip began to quiver. “I just wanted to be myself.”

“If this is who you are, we don’t want anything to do with you. “

Tyler scrambled for words as her family began to turn away. “P-please don’t leave!” She tried to run after them, but her feet were stuck in quicksand. “Wait! Wait, please don’t go!”  
\-------  
“Tyler! Tyler, wake up!” Josh shook her as she flailed, smacking him in the face with her arm. 

“Wha-what’s happening? Where am I?” Tyler sat upright and rubbed her eyes. 

“You’re in my apartment. You were having a bad dream.”

Tyler glanced down and noticed she was wearing a dress. She covered herself, while her face turned beet red. “When did this happen?”

Josh smiled and rubbed her back. “Debby took you shopping earlier. You must’ve slept really hard if you don’t remember.”

Tyler rubbed her temples. “Um, yeah. I just had a really terrible dream.”

“I noticed. You kinda got me on the side of the face here.” Josh gestured to the red mark on his cheek. 

Tyler covered her mouth and gasped. “Dude, I’m so sorry!”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Josh dropped his hand from her back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

At the thought of her dream, Tyler’s stomach began to churn and she felt dizzy. “I think I need to, um…” She grabbed her stomach and rushed to the bathroom. “Excuse me.”

She slammed the door behind her and gripped onto the edge of the sink. She was afraid to look at herself in the mirror. That dream felt too real. Tyler couldn’t decide if being “herself” was worth losing her family. She lifted the hem of her dress to look at the bulge in her underwear. “Fuck.”, she muttered under her breath. “This doesn’t make any sense.” She glared at herself hard in the mirror and chanted, “You’re a boy. You’re a boy. You’re a boy. You have a penis. You are a boy.” Tyler’s thoughts circled back to her dream. She closed her eyes and imagined the breeze beneath her dress on the swings. She clenched her fist and pounded on the bathroom counter. “No! No this isn’t right!” The panicky feeling rose in her chest. Tyler began to rummage through the bathroom cabinets. 

Josh knocked softly on the door. “Tyler? Are you alright?”

She froze with her arm snaked under the sink. “Um, I’m fine. J-just give me a minute.”

“Okay. I’m here if you need me.” Josh lingered by the door for a moment before shuffling back to the living room. 

Tyler continued her hunt, much quieter than before. When she finally found the box of razors, she pulled one out and held it between her fingertips. She positioned herself on the closed toilet seat and hoisted her dress up to reveal her thighs. She traced old scars with her fingertip as a smile crept on her face. Tyler pulled the skin taut with one hand and she slowly pressed the razor into the flesh. She felt a mix of emotions as the blood rushed to the surface. Relief and disappointment didn’t sit well together. 

“Ty?” Josh knocked on the door once more.

Tyler jumped and dropped the razor on the floor. “J-just a second!” She tried to pick it up, but it was stuck to the floor with her blood. She couldn’t get a grasp on it with her lack of fingernails. 

“Sorry, I just really need to get in there.”

“Shit, shit, shit.” Tyler mumbled under her breath. “Hang on!” 

“I just need to grab my towel.” Josh opened the door to find Tyler still scrambling on the floor. “What are you-“ Josh froze when he saw the razor on the floor. 

Tyler finally managed to get a grip on it and tossed it in the trash. Her eyes remained glued to the floor. “Sorry. I’ll clean this up.”

“Tyler, did you start again?” Josh’s voice was calm but firm. Tyler wrung her hands together and shook her head. “Tyler, please look at me.” She squeezed her eyes shut and continued to shake her head. She rocked from side to side as her hands started to twitch. “Tyler, please.”

“No, no, no, no. No!” Tyler yelled and ground the heels of her hands into her eyes.

Josh reached out to touch her arm. “Ty, please.”

She began to sob as Josh pulled her into his arms. "I’m so sorry. I can’t- I just…”

“Shh, it’s okay. You’ll be okay.”

“This isn’t right, J. It doesn’t make sense. I’m a boy, It shouldn’t be confusing.” Tyler stopped trying to speak and just held onto Josh while the older man attempted to quiet her down. 

“Come on. We need to get you cleaned up.” Josh sat Tyler down on the toilet and slowly lifted her dress to reveal the scar which was now sticky with half dried blood. 

Tyler pulled her leg away, ashamed of the old scars along with the fresh one. “You don’t have to do that, I can manage. It's not like I haven’t done it before.” Tyler cringed at her choose of words. “I-I didn’t mean, uh, sorry.”

Josh sighed and pulled the hydrogen peroxide from the cabinet. “I know you can, but I honestly don’t trust you right now.” He sat the peroxide on the counter along with cotton balls. “You understand that, don’t you?” Tyler nodded solemnly. “I’ll let you clean it up, but I’m going to stay here while you do it.” 

Tyler sighed, “Yeah, that seems fair.” Tyler grabbed the peroxide and cotton balls from the counter and began to clean up her leg. She heard a sniffle come from Josh and she looked up confused. He had turned his body towards the door. “Josh?”

He wiped his face and turned to face Tyler. “Yeah, sorry. What’s up?” His eyes were red and slightly puffy. 

Tyler’s heart felt as thought it had topped into her stomach. “Are you… crying?”

Josh smiled weakly. “Only a little bit.” He bent down to sit in front of Tyler’s legs. “You really scared me, Ty. I know I wasn’t really around the first time this was happening, but I was worried when you told me about it.” Josh ran his hand over the bathroom rug. “I’ve never been in that headspace before. I just imagine it’s scary.”

Tyler tossed the dirty cotton balls in the trash. “Yeah, it’s not very fun.” 

Josh reached under the cabinet to get Tyler a bandage. “Was it about your dream?”

Tyler plucked a band aid out of the box and focused on applying it to her leg. “Uh, yeah. My family turned their backs to me. They said they wouldn’t accept me like this.” She gestured to her dress. “I couldn’t live without them. What if they really do abandon me?”

Josh chewed on his lip for a moment while he searched for a good answer. “I’ve known your family long enough that I think I can safely say they will love you no matter what. On the off chance they weren’t okay with it, you’d still have the whole crew and me. Dude, even the fans.”

Tyler smiled, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm projecting like crazy on this one. I'm sorry. I'm terrible.


End file.
